Poison
by Bookkbaby
Summary: Oneshot. YAOI BakuraXRyou. Bakura beats Ryou again, and comes to some startling conclusions about himself, denial, and his Light. Dark with a happy and sweet ending.


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters- I'm just borrowing! I'm not making any money off of this or anything. I don't own the song.

This story, however, is my idea and I wrote it all by myself. I will not be very happy if someone decides to... 'borrow' it for another site without my permission. Without giving me credit.

Warnings: Bakura beating Ryou, angst, romance and some fluff. Possibility for OOC, since I tend to idolize my fav characters... (Bakura-sama so KAWAI'I! Smexiness...) and haven't seen the show in quite a while. THERE IS YAOI HERE! (Well... shounen-ai, but lets not be technical. If two boys in love with each other freaks you out, then don't read this. Don't say I didn't warn ya!)

Hope everyone enjoys this! It was rolling around in my brain for a while...

Song Lyrics are in _italics_

'' indicates a POV change

_Your cruel device_

_Your blood like ice_

_One look could kill_

_My pain, your thrill_

Ryou's POV

I gasp as you hit me again. Kidney this time.

I cough, wincing as my lungs protest. Weakly, I realize that I just coughed up blood.

I may not be an expert, but that can't be good.

I close my eyes.

'Why did I get you, of all the yamis I could have gotten?' I ask myself, coughing again. I hear the wet sound as more blood leaves my body via my lips.

"B-Bakura..." I gasp, begging for your mercy. I may as well have asked the devil himself. You both share that same streak of cruelty. "Please... don't..."

Your foot connects with my ribs. I think I hear something crack, but I'm not sure.

I feel the hot tears roll down my cheeks. They're already soaking the cold wooden floor below me- I guess I've been crying for a while.

I glance up at you. That was a mistake.

You sneer at me as you grab a fistful of my hair. I feel my teeth puncture the flesh of my already bloody lower lip as you pull me up to come face-to-face with you.

You force me to meet your eyes, and my tears start afresh.

There's so much hate in your eyes- you loathe me, and for some reason that hurts more than your beatings.

It hurts me a lot more. That emotion... I don't want to see it from you. What did I ever do to you?

And that look... it suffocates me.

Unconsciously, I reach for you. Was that a flash of pain I saw in your eyes?

Please... tell me, Bakura.

I want to know.

You snarl in my face and throw me to the ground again. I'm caught off-guard, and I hit it hard.

I can't breathe, the wind stolen from me.

I hear laughter as you beat me. Again. I can't even keep track of where on my body you are hitting; I can only feel the pain. The pain from your fists I adjusted to long ago, but the pain I feel when you beat me and take pleasure in my pain...

It hurts, Bakura.

'Of all the yamis, you're the only one I cannot defend myself from.' I think weakly, my vision swimming. 'Why did I have to get you for a dark... and why did I have to fall in love with you?'

_I want to love you, but I better not touch (Don't touch)_

_I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop_

_I want to kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)_

_I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison_

Bakura's POV

I stomp on his hand- foolish light shouldn't have left it away from his body like that.

Of course he yelps- he's weak. I hate him for that. He's weak.

In my world he would never have survived. Why does he get the easy life?

A quick, furious kick to the temple and he's lying still, breathing erratic and shallow.

I don't like him.

I don't.

He's so frail, and he has such a delicate frame. No muscles to speak of. He's gentle and kind to everyone- even to me. Me!

I don't want his pity. His kindness will allow others to take advantage of him.

His breathing begins to even out.

I let out a breath- I didn't realize I was even holding one.

I kneel down, brushing some of the hair out of his face. He almost looks like he's asleep, lying there like that.

Well, except for the blood and tears.

I'm ignoring my irrational urge to pick him up and hold him. He's still in pain- and I caused it. Now I want to comfort him?

I'm one sick, twisted bastard. That I won't deny. I even agree with that Ra-damned Pharaoh on this point.

I allow my eyes to trail over his peaceful face. The moonlight makes him look even more pale- more unhealthy than usual.

My eyes remain fixed on the blood trail running from the corner of his mouth. The dark red makes a stunning contrast to his pale skin and dark eyelashes.

His lips are moving, breath shuddering. He won't die though- I'm not worried. I always make sure to never hurt him fatally. That would leave me without a body and condemn me to the emptiness of the Millennium Ring for the next few thousand years.

I don't care if he dies.

I don't!

Wait... when did my hikari's face get this close?

I can feel his breath on my lips. I curse.

Yadonushi's unconscious. I moved.

But I loathe my yadonushi. I don't like him.

Not at all.

My tongue darts out to wet my lips. I don't move away.

He is unconscious.

Even if he wasn't, he couldn't stop me.

My tongue comes out again, but not for my lips. I lick the blood from his mouth. It's sweet.

Like everything else about my yadonushi.

I follow the blood back into his mouth, pressing my lips to his. It's intoxicating- the taste is a mix of sweet blood and hikari. An addicting flavor...

Yadonushi's lips are soft and unresisting as my tongue probes deep in his mouth to taste more of his blood.

Abruptly, I come back to my senses.

I hate him. I really do.

I shove him away. He groans again in his sleep- I must have put pressure on some of his bruised ribs. No matter. I stand and turn. I can walk away.

I learned long ago that everything I love will be taken away from me. Everything I loved died the night the Millennium Items were born. Nothing has mattered to me since, because I will not let anything matter to me.

Love is a poison that kills everyone involved.

I don't need it.

And I certainly don't want it.

_You're poison running through my veins_

_You're poison, I don't want to break these chains_

I glance behind me. My hikari is such an easy target. Even though he has unconsciously curled into the fetal position, I could still hurt him.

It would be so easy to wake him up from his unwilling oblivion. Another well placed kick or punch and I could restart his torture.

Maybe it isn't so bad that he is weak and so endearing. It makes it easier to hit him.

I don't feel anything for him other than hate and disgust. I'm chained to him by unfortunate circumstances and fate. Nothing more.

But maybe I don't mind it as much as I pretend.

I look once more at my hikari, then will myself back into my portable prison.

My soulroom is my sanctuary. I can ignore my yadonushi if I want to.

If I want to.

_Your mouth, so hot _

_Your web, I'm caught _

_Your skin, so wet _

_Black lace on sweat_

I scowl, staring up at the ceiling to my soulroom. I assume it's the ceiling, even if I can't see it. I also assume it's up. I never had much reason to ponder up or down, or how big my soulroom was.

The size just reminded me of the emptiness.

I had been doing a lot of thinking.

I couldn't sleep.

When I plundered yadonushi's mouth- it wasn't a 'kiss', as a 'kiss' requires feelings- that memory and taste burned into my brain.

It was just a stupid impulse. It means nothing.

Even if his lips were soft and his taste sweet, even if that feeling of warmth intoxicated me, and even if that is what has been keeping me awake, it means nothing.

If it meant anything, he would have to mean something. And he doesn't.

Not at all.

I'm usually not one to lie- to myself, at least- but someone with such a weak and gentle demeanor and kind smile could not have ensnared me in the trap I've been avoiding for countless centuries.

I don't love Ryou.

I do not.

My mind has never conjured a single fantasy involving the white-haired weakling and myself doing anything like handholding or kissing. I've never imagined what it would be like to hold him close as we went over the edge into ecstasy together. I've never been tempted to leave the Ring at night and watch over his dreams as I hold him. I've never wanted to sit next to him and help keep him warm during the coldest months of the year.

Nice yamis do that for their hikaris.

I am not a nice yami.

So, I never think about any of those things.

I don't!

_I hear you calling and it's needles and pins (And pins)_

_I want to hurt you just to hear you screaming my name_

_Don't want to touch you but you're under my skin (Deep in)_

_I want to kiss you but your lips are venomous poison_

_You're poison running through my veins_

_You're poison, I don't want to break these chains_

_Poison_

A faint noise catches my attention. I ignore it, but he keeps calling.

I want to stay.

I get up, leaving my soulroom and my disturbing thoughts behind.

I materialize outside of the cool metal and I stay invisible. I hover, ghostlike, in my hikari's room.

I can hear him whimper and the sound of him limping up the stairs. I'm not concerned.

I'm not concerned at all.

I'm surprised when he doesn't come right into his room.

I hear the door across the hall open instead. Of all places, my idiot light is going to the bathroom? What for?

Curious at how much damage I caused- because I like pain, especially his pain, yes I do- I glide through to the bathroom. It's an advantage of being a long-dead spirit.

I'm not guilty or nauseated when I see the damage to his pale skin.

I don't care that his lips are swollen, or that his cheek is showing a bruise. I don't care that he can't see out of one eye because he can't open it fully.

I don't care that every time he moves his left hand he hisses, or that said left hand is obviously popped out of the wrist socket and three of the knuckles are swollen beyond what is normal. I don't worry about the color the back of his hand is turning- I don't think I've ever seen so many shades of red, blue, black, and yellow in one place before.

When he carefully removes his uniform jacket and white shirt, I don't feel the sting of guilt in my gut at seeing his skin marred by so many bruises blue appears to be his true skin color. I'm indifferent to his coughs and wheezes and he puts his undamaged hand to damaged ribs and hisses at the contact.

I don't bother noticing the few but ugly scars he has from weapons I remember... 'playing' with.

I don't care that he carefully leans over and grabs a first-aid kit to try and treat some of the pain. I'm not horrified when he and I realize that he is out of pain medication.

I feel no urge to support him as he slowly pushes himself back to a standing position and limps towards his room.

I feel no urge to kiss away the crystal tears streaming down his face.

I follow him, not worrying at all when he nearly slips and falls over his own feet- odd for one usually so graceful.

Not that I'm complimenting him.

I watch silently as Ryou carefully lowers himself onto his bed, wincing at some ache or another. I watch as he gingerly lays down and as his tears start rolling in ernest.

And I realize something.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

_One look could kill_

_My pain, your thrill_

Ryou's POV

I can feel him there- I could feel it when he left his soulroom and followed me into the bathroom.

I won't be able to sleep tonight.

The pain is still fresh enough to prevent that.

His presence comforts me in a weird way.

At least he cares enough to check up on me after nearly murdering me in my own home.

I know it's strange- me, falling in love with another male. Even stranger, falling in love with a dead spirit. Add insanity and homicidal tendencies and I realize I must be insane myself to care so deeply about him.

It's not like I chose to fall in love with him.

Those moments of sanity and humanity he sometimes shows... those moments when he allows himself to be sent to the Shadow Realm to protect me...

I see him. The real him, I think.

It may be masochistic, but I love him, beatings and all. If I love him now I don't know how much deeper I'd feel for him if he showed me more of his kind moments. If he ever stopped beating me I would never be able to keep my love for him a secret.

Should I thank him for that?

I'm almost tempted to laugh.

Surely to anyone with a normal mind it must seem suicidal, masochistic, insane, and wrong, but I can't help it.

"Bakura?" I call softly, my voice strained from crying out in pain earlier.

He doesn't answer me.

I didn't expect him to.

_I want to love you, but I better not touch (Don't touch)_

_I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop_

_I want to kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)_

_I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison_

_You're poison running through my veins_

_You're poison, I don't want to break these chains_

_Poison_

Bakura's POV

I'm still watching him.

I heard him call my name.

Apparently he knows I'm here, watching him.

I don't know if he's scared- anyone in their right mind would be- or angry, or just tired.

He can't see me- I know that much.

By now, he's probably asleep, mind safely away from the physical world.

He doesn't know how close I am standing to his bed- and he couldn't see me even if he was awake.

He can't feel my hand as I lay it on his head.

He doesn't know.

He will never know.

I feel the urge to fully materialize and truly lay my hand on his head. I want to ease the pain I caused.

Does that make me a hypocrite? Or just indecisive?

I can see his profile from where I stand. Again, the redness of his lips draws my eyes.

Even when not bloody their color reminds me of the blood in his veins.

Even when I'm not tasting him I can feel that sweetness on my tongue.

I finally realize something- even if love is a poison, then it's too late. I've succumbed.

So much for the ice-cold King of Thieves.

I'm not in the habit of lying- to myself, anyway.

But is this really the truth?

Do I actually care for this weakling? I could crush him with one hand and enjoy it.

Couldn't I?

I growl silently in frustration. I'm not used to questioning myself or thinking too long and hard on a single issue like this. I'm not sappy or romantic.

But the fact that Ryou's father gave him my Ring by chance, instead of sending it to a museum... A coincidence? Maybe.

But the smell of Fate is all over that incident.

I was doomed to drown in this poison since I met my yadonushi.

I am darkness, true, but for every dark there is a light. Every yami has a hikari. A Yin has a Yang.

I have Ryou.

_I want to love you, but I better not touch (Don't touch)_

_I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop_

_I want to kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)_

_I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison, yeah_

_I don't want to break these chains Poison, oh no_

Ryou's POV

I'm not asleep. I know he thinks I am.

I don't think he knows what I am thinking.

I wouldn't mind if he killed me. I'm tired of this, I think. Yes, I love him. No, I don't wish to cause him pain, but I doubt he'd be much hurt by my death.

I can clearly recall his recoil when I reached for him. He doesn't care for me beyond my body being his vessel.

He can find a new one.

It's hard to see him and not hold him to try to warm his permanently frozen heart.

It's hard to watch his lips form curses and foul insults when I want to kiss him.

It's hard to watch him eat and wonder how the flavor of his steak affects the flavor of his mouth- his being.

It's hard to know you love someone who hates you when everyone else you've loved has walked away.

My mother divorced my father when I was six. She took my sister with her. She didn't want me.

My father loved my mother. He started going on every archaeological dig he could get assigned to once she left.

I was left by myself, only an uncaring nanny to watch me.

I knew why Daddy was so sad.

It was because he loved Mommy and Mommy left.

If Daddy and Mommy didn't love each other, then they never should have married.

If they did love each other, then why did they leave each other?

Was love really so fragile?

If so, then I could deal without it and be a friend to everyone so I would never have to be alone.

That's what I thought when I was younger.

Running deep inside my vein 

_Burning deep inside my veins_

_It's poison _

_I don't want to break these chains_

Even as much as I avoided forming deep attachments, I still longed for that intimate closeness that only two people in love share, but I wanted to wait to fall in love until I was sure my feelings would be returned and I could live happily with the one I loved.

Goes to show our hearts rarely follow what our mind demands.

It wasn't very long after I had come to my conclusions about love that my father sent me the Millennium Ring.

My young ideas of a first love being a beautiful experience with a 'happily ever after' died.

The idea of a first love forever unrequited but strong all the same took its place.

Even so, I don't think I would trade my feelings- twisted as they are- for anything else.

Bakura and I are connected by a single piece of gold jewelry until I die and he is trapped in the Ring- at least until some other person picks it up.

Until my death is the longest I can have him, and even if it's not the way I'd like to be with him, it's close enough to keep me from complete despair.

Bakura's POV

I guess he wasn't asleep.

He's thinking hard about something.

I can always tell. My hikari always wears his 'heart on his sweater' or some stupid modern phrase like that. He always shows what he feels.

I never accepted my weakness until tonight.

He is my weakness.

I can hurt him all I like, but no one else is allowed to threaten him.

I'm possessive- it comes from having everything taken from you and stealing to 'earn' a living.

He's just staring blankly ahead.

He's crying again.

I don't like it when he does that, even though it makes his eyes prettier.

It's weak. And annoying.

And I always feel like shit when he does that.

I laugh silently.

No one ever accused me of being sane, so I guess I won't worry about laughing about the fact that I feel like shit.

I glance out the window.

The sun was rising.

It made me feel strangely calm. I had seen countless sunrises and sunsets in my lifetime, but they never had an effect on me.

I turn my attention back to my sweet light.

Maybe after I sleep I'll tell him what I've realized.

Maybe after I sleep I'll tell him what I'm feeling.

Maybe after I sleep I'll give in to my urges and be a good dark for my light.

Maybe I'll stop beating him and hurting him and save both of us the heartache.

But then again...

Maybe I won't.

Love is poison, after all. Just because I recognize the fact that that poison exists within me does not mean I have to admit that to anyone.

Just because I love Ryou does not mean that he will die.

Maybe if I never tell him he won't leave me.

But those are thoughts for another time.

I materialize fully. There's little point in pretending now.

I press my lips to Ryou's, feeling the warmth he generates so freely.

I wonder what he thinks.

Perhaps we've both been poisoned, for he doesn't seem to mind.

His face just broke into a smile much brighter than the sun.

Not all poisons are deadly.

Not all love ends in sorrow.

He can't see it, but I return his smile with a small one of my own.

It may not have been the most common match, but I won't let Ryou go.

He's mine now.

Mine.

My poison.

My dear, sweet Light.

I ignore any rational thought and climb into bed with Ryou. I wrap him in my arms and he cuddles to me willingly.

His thin arms wrap around me.

No words are needed. I think we understand each other.

His eyes close. He's content, and soon he's asleep.

I continue holding him.

I'm soon asleep and the sun continues to rise and shine light into the darkness of Ryou's room.

Poetic and fitting.

A new hope, a new day, and a new focus.

A new light in the dark.

AN: So? Was it too uncharacteristically sappy? Sorry if it was!

Was it hard to follow? I tried, but I'm not the best beta for myself...

I will probably be coming out with another one-shot soon- same pairing. It'll be set around Valentines Day (but will probably be coming out before Halloween, if I get my butt in gear!)

Hope you all enjoyed!


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